The Answer Comes From Within

No one knows ALL the parts of your story but you, and the parts that you refuse to share with others automatically disqualifies anyone else’s opinion of how you should live your fullest life. You can seek guidance, allow words from trusted advisors to marinate yet nothing will resonate with you more than the answers stemming from yourself. You are an expert in yourself, a guru, a sage and you possess all the answers you are seeking. Trust yourself.

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Accepting Mental Illness

I isolated myself to the point of no words, and I became proficient at being okay, fine and just tired. But in reality I was drowning, I was in unimaginable amounts of pain and I was ashamed, embarrassed too scared to speak up because I felt worthless. It’s been hard and it is hard to write to these things about myself but I must. Talking about this here helps me and I know it will help people like me because I know I’m not the only one who has been too strong, for too long but falling apart behind closed doors.

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People Are Entitled To Their Dating Preferences

What have I learned about dating preferences for myself? They are foolish and hold no merit whatsoever. I have come to realize the preferences that truly matter, are the person’s fundamental principles. Are they a good human being? Are they kind? Generous? Patient? Family oriented? Do they speak up in situations where a clear injustice is taking place? Are they animal lovers? I mean there are simple nuances that make a person who they are, and those things have to align or at least work with mine. You could be 6’2 and look like Idris Elba, but if you support bigotry, then you can keep the fuck away from me.

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The Complexity Of Too Much Praise

The first time it occurred to me to doubt myself, was at work and this woman who looked like me told me I did not write very well. Oh my goodness. I was mad at her, and then I believed her and I really stayed away from writing for a little while. The fragility of my ego and my self-esteem buckled at the tiniest critique. I was in shambles over an opinion, because I was accustomed to being praised without honest critique from most people. However, once I was out of school I just believed that my people loved anything I’d written, and I believed I was at the top of my writing game. WRONNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!

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My Expectations Are Disappointing Me – Not Other People

I’ve been guilty of making someone’s need for space about me. I have taken their silence, as an attack on me, and I spend a ridiculous amount of time agonizing, and suffering about an issue that has zero to do with me. The more I pushed the person to open up, is the deeper and wider the distance became. The non issue with me, becomes a real issue because I didn’t acknowledge nor respect the person’s need for space. I now overstand how it feels. My need for room, space and time is critical and essential for my well being.

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I Need Quiet Sometimes

How do I regroup? I sleep a lot. I write. I take nice long walks, I listen to classical or yoga music. I take my time to meal prep, I detox my body, I stretch, I catch up on all the things I haven’t been focused on doing, I cook, I lounge, I breathe properly and I just love on myself. It’s a time for me to celebrate myself, be gentle with myself and to tune everyone out. It’s healthy for me and I really love and appreciate my friends who don’t take this personally and just allow me to be. I encourage everyone to take the opportunity to regroup because self care is the best care.

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The Shame Of Respectability Politics

It’s dangerous when black intellectuals who have come from some of these same environments as Cardi, Kim, Foxy, and compare their life paths to their own for the sake of comparison. When you’re poor and your choices are between shit and shitty shit, you find your way the best way you can, and you do what’s best for where you are on your journey with yourself. The danger is in the divisiveness and the dismissive behavior. It’s forgetting, or a pretending or a blatant disowning of the fact that these women and girls are parts of us.

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