The Answer Comes From Within

No one knows ALL the parts of your story but you, and the parts that you refuse to share with others automatically disqualifies anyone else’s opinion of how you should live your fullest life. You can seek guidance, allow words from trusted advisors to marinate yet nothing will resonate with you more than the answers stemming from yourself. You are an expert in yourself, a guru, a sage and you possess all the answers you are seeking. Trust yourself.

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Your Needs Are Valid – You Are Not A Burden

Training myself to prioritize myself has been a steep battle internal struggle. It is literally me practicing self-care by speaking up for myself AND believing that what I am saying matters, is valued and the person hearing me is receiving me with love. It is a real-life struggle to be my own advocate when I know how to advocate for others indiscriminately. However, it is inauthentic to do for others before I can do for myself. It is a dishonest way to direct people to speak for themselves when I stay silent through injustices inflicted upon me. I have to push through the practice of pushing my tears and words down when they are on the verge of my eyes and lips. I must find the same level of compassion I readily have for others for myself.

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A Letter To Anyone Haunted By The Trauma Of Not Being Believed…

You as an adult never realize when you’ll have a moment of flashback until you’re drowning in tears and unable to catch your breath because you’re being suffocated by the silence and rage you’ve had to swallow for years because NO ONE took the time to make you feel protected, wanted and like they would bring justice to your cries for help. This is for those of us who have sat in silence because there have been no examples where we have ever felt like our bodies mattered enough for anyone to care. This letter is for all of us who are so scarred by our trauma of not being believed or being brushed off entirely. It’s not your fault.

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The Complexity Of Too Much Praise

The first time it occurred to me to doubt myself, was at work and this woman who looked like me told me I did not write very well. Oh my goodness. I was mad at her, and then I believed her and I really stayed away from writing for a little while. The fragility of my ego and my self-esteem buckled at the tiniest critique. I was in shambles over an opinion, because I was accustomed to being praised without honest critique from most people. However, once I was out of school I just believed that my people loved anything I’d written, and I believed I was at the top of my writing game. WRONNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!

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There Is No Safe Space For Sexual Assault Survivors

We must be allies, and advocates for ALL victims of sexual violence. There seems to be picking and choosing who is credible depending on who the abuser is. There’s an unwillingness to believe survivors because our affinity and loyalty for our memories somehow outweigh another human’s traumatic story. The shaming of survivors has been able to thrive for this length of time because fear has hindered their desire to speak up. However, now we have hundreds of survivors who are finding their voice because a handful has chosen to speak up.

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My Writing Is NOT About You…

I will never be someone who will actively go out of my way to shame, humiliate and bring another person down in my writing. It is against my personal ethics and morals to use my craft, and energy to create a post about someone’s shortcomings. Behavior like that is cruel, immature and it serves only the ego. I have no interest in hurting someone with my writing, even if I am hurting and angry at the person. If I’m truly hurt, I will address the person privately and communicate with them directly, but I will not put subliminal messages in an entire blog post to work through private issues.

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Self Love Trumps Everything

It is emotional suicide to stay with someone simply out of obligation. Love is not enough to keep a situation in tact, if your internal system is shutting down. I believe that we find it easier to focus on outward issues as reasons for a departure, rather than first paying attention to our internal dialogue. It will be painful to acknowledge something that could cause someone we love a devastating heartbreak, but it would be worse to say nothing at all. Acknowledging endings, growth and moving forward may seem debilitating, but there is power and freedom in speaking your truth. It will free you, and you may feel like a villain for a while but that will pass.

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