A Letter To Anyone Haunted By The Trauma Of Not Being Believed…

You as an adult never realize when you’ll have a moment of flashback until you’re drowning in tears and unable to catch your breath because you’re being suffocated by the silence and rage you’ve had to swallow for years because NO ONE took the time to make you feel protected, wanted and like they would bring justice to your cries for help. This is for those of us who have sat in silence because there have been no examples where we have ever felt like our bodies mattered enough for anyone to care. This letter is for all of us who are so scarred by our trauma of not being believed or being brushed off entirely. It’s not your fault.

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My Wildest Dreams

I’d like to be able to say that when I leave this earth, I left it better than I found it. I have always believed that it is my mission to remind people that their love is far greater than their fear. I am starting with myself and the conversations I’m having in my brain and out in real life. I was playing a game that was far too small for what I knew I was capable of in my life. But I needed that incubation period to connect to who I needed to connect to AND I needed to be reminded of what not honoring my life looked like.

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And Who Will Save Me?

I’m strong and I need support. I’m strong and I need to be hugged. I’m strong and I need forehead kisses. I’m strong and I need my hand held. I’m strong and I need gentle love making. I’m strong and I need soft kisses. I’m strong and I need to my head on your chest. I’m strong and I need your nurturing. I’m strong and I’m a human being with needs. My strength doesn’t absolve me of my mortal feelings.

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Make Your Pain Work For You

Pain is the vehicle but fear is the driver and it can have us suffocate our wants, dreams, desires and hopes because we can’t bear to feel pain. We shrink ourselves behind our excuses of why we cannot rise above the remnants and leftovers of our past. We confine ourselves into the boxes of our mind and we often do not leave our small hiding places because we cannot bear the pain of the reality of failure. I get it.

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What I Allow Will Continue

am the Queen, and this is my Queendom and there will no one allowed in if they do not wish me well, mean well or can add to my personal value. We allow reciprocity, kindness and connection that is to be built from both parties. There will be no one sided, conversations, no exertion of energy I do not have and there will be no compromise of my happiness under any circumstances. All that other shit is white noise and I am not with it. I am going to shine my light and either you are going to shine with me or you won’t. You will either rise to the challenge or you won’t. My task to be motherfucking great, and teach my kid to do the same.

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Leave The Table

No relationship will survive where one person is insecure. It won’t work on any level and there will be an absolute breakdown of anything workable. It’s hard to work through emotions and in a relationship it can be isolating and even more damaging. I think the only way to beat insecurities is to force yourself to think positively. Engage in conversations that promote positivity, live in the moment where you can find a silver lining and if you can’t then try harder. At some point insecurities can be overcome with practice and proper self care.

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