Let Me Love (Control)You

The ones we love will arrive at their lessons when it’s time to do so. Our ability to love someone as they directly stem from how we accept and love ourselves. The more work I do on myself is the more I am able to expand my understanding of what is love and what is control. The more I allow my child to be herself, listen to her realizations and love her despite my oppositions to her path of enlightenment, I can still listen and accept the path she’s choosing barring imminent death. We cannot control what the ones we love do and we shouldn’t because we don’t like it being done to us. Well, I don’t like it being done to me. I am a firm believer in getting burned in order to know that fire is hot and I have to respect whatever people believe for themselves.

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Let’s Talk About *Telephone*Sex

The conversation beforehand, WHAT you talk about and the communication and trust established while you’re learning each other. There has to be a perfect marriage of physical attraction and all of the cerebral and spiritual dynamics. You’d have to be calm, relaxed and in a space of complete trust. You also have to get to a space of fantasy land. Imagining all of the things you’ll do to them, want to have done to you, and put it all out there. If you’re shy, scared or hesitant then the trust hasn’t been established and your phone sex is going to be terrible and awkward.

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Apologize To Me For Making Me Mad

How many times have we seen an abused person become an abuser? It’s a dynamic that’s scary because I wonder when does the switch become flicked? When does it occur to someone who had no voice, say or emotional safety become someone who oppresses others? I think with third graders and kids in general, they are finding their voice, their place in the world and their friendships matter a great deal to them at that age. However, adults who never actually find their voice, or work through their childhood abuse become someone who either overly asserts or completely shrinks.

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The Danger of Codependency

I wanted so much for myself but I kept stopping and putting my healing on hold because I was in a holding pattern of hoping, wishing and fantasizing about things being different and yet they were not. It took us months to actually break up, and I finally had to buckle down and pull the plug for good because it felt like poison to my soul. Do I love this man? Oh I surely do but I loved my sanity, well being and healing far more than him.

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Someone’s Partner Is Not Your Soulmate

There is power in connecting with your partner when you tell the truth about what is happening in your head and heart. However, don’t fuck up your relationship based on your feelings for someone else. If you are looking to leave, do it based on the fact that it is no longer workable and it serves no one to stay. If someone leaves their relationship for YOU I am not convinced that’s a worthy burden to carry. If you think someone else’s partner is your soul mate, then you’re all fucked up in the game homey, because that is NOT the answer. Do better.

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Take Your Hurt Feelings And Go!

Also if someone goes off on you after you’ve politely told them you’re not interested, consider yourself lucky because you dodged an enormous bullet. Sane humans beings, while hurt may offer words of regret or may even ask why but an unstable person will dredge up some crazy things to say to get a rise out of you, and the best response is no response. You can’t argue with someone who insecure and has a negative self-image because they will bring you down to the pits of their sadness and you deserve better than that. Take your rejections in stride, and take your hurt feelings and go.

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Sitting With The Funk Of My Biases

Realistically though, the “straight” men that I’ve dated could be having bisexual encounters and I know nothing about it, and everything remains copacetic. However, a man choosing to openly disclose his sexual preferences, bracing for a rejection, and simply just wanting to be upfront and honest DESERVES an opportunity like everyone else to be accepted as they are. What exactly is the problem? How could I be enticed, and adore all aspects of this man, but reject his sexual preference? On what grounds am I rejecting him?

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