Grieving is a necessary part of life. It is a raw expression of feeling loss, disappointment and a longing for what once was or what could have been. What grief is not, is being present to what is possible while overcoming that pain. Actively preparing myself to be sad on a particular day is disempowering and there is no honor in operating that way for me. Whether I am grieving for a lost relationship, or a lost loved one the answer remains the same; I cannot grieve forever.Read More How Much Grief Is Too Much Grief?
You as an adult never realize when you’ll have a moment of flashback until you’re drowning in tears and unable to catch your breath because you’re being suffocated by the silence and rage you’ve had to swallow for years because NO ONE took the time to make you feel protected, wanted and like they would bring justice to your cries for help. This is for those of us who have sat in silence because there have been no examples where we have ever felt like our bodies mattered enough for anyone to care. This letter is for all of us who are so scarred by our trauma of not being believed or being brushed off entirely. It’s not your fault.Read More A Letter To Anyone Haunted By The Trauma Of Not Being Believed…
I wish we lived in a world where young black boys were seen as human beings we MUST protect at all costs. It’s shameful, and hurtful the way black boys are marginalized and labeled almost from birth as menaces to society before they can formulate their sentences correctly. Black boy joy makes the world a better place because when we have multiples roses growing from concrete, we will eventually have rose gardens where death and poverty previously prevailed.Read More Black Boy Joy
The first time it occurred to me to doubt myself, was at work and this woman who looked like me told me I did not write very well. Oh my goodness. I was mad at her, and then I believed her and I really stayed away from writing for a little while. The fragility of my ego and my self-esteem buckled at the tiniest critique. I was in shambles over an opinion, because I was accustomed to being praised without honest critique from most people. However, once I was out of school I just believed that my people loved anything I’d written, and I believed I was at the top of my writing game. WRONNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!Read More The Complexity Of Too Much Praise
Why is beating children a good idea, but we know a husband beating a wife is a bad idea? What are the logical and factual reasons for beating children so badly they have black and blues and welts all over their bodies? Is the lesson; if you do something wrong, you should be punished by getting beaten down? When you fuck up the only recourse is to get hit by anything someone can find so you know never to do that thing again? An adult asserting power in this way is simply abusive and there are no real positive results stemming from a practice rooted in dominance, fear, and total and utter compliance. Why are we spanking toddlers? We do it so they can listen better? How come it’s frowned upon to spank puppies or kittens when they don’t listen, but it’s okay to spank little people who do not speak yet?Read More Our Parents Beat Us- We Are Better People Because Of It…Or Are We?
Apologizing to your children will enforce their self-worth and allow them the space to talk through their feelings. Until children learn to have an inner narrative, we as their guardians are the voice they hear the most. We are the ones who encourage them to thrive or discourage them from finding their voice. We have to allow them to talk through what they are feeling, listen to them intently, and apologize when they make it clear we have caused them pain.Read More Practice Apologizing To Your Children
She was always a choice for me. I knew she was a girl the moment I found out I was pregnant. I knew that we were connected because I used to dream of her and I’d talk to her often when she was cooking in my womb. When she was born at 11:04 AM, I was ready for her and she was ready for me. She latched on and drank her milk and we have been hanging out ever since. She teaches me the importance of honoring my word because she will clock me if I skip out on a duty. She says it kindly and with compassion but she checks me!!! I end up doing what I said I would do. Ha ha.Read More 8 Years of Mommying