Let Me Love (Control)You

The ones we love will arrive at their lessons when it’s time to do so. Our ability to love someone as they directly stem from how we accept and love ourselves. The more work I do on myself is the more I am able to expand my understanding of what is love and what is control. The more I allow my child to be herself, listen to her realizations and love her despite my oppositions to her path of enlightenment, I can still listen and accept the path she’s choosing barring imminent death. We cannot control what the ones we love do and we shouldn’t because we don’t like it being done to us. Well, I don’t like it being done to me. I am a firm believer in getting burned in order to know that fire is hot and I have to respect whatever people believe for themselves.

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Apologize To Me For Making Me Mad

How many times have we seen an abused person become an abuser? It’s a dynamic that’s scary because I wonder when does the switch become flicked? When does it occur to someone who had no voice, say or emotional safety become someone who oppresses others? I think with third graders and kids in general, they are finding their voice, their place in the world and their friendships matter a great deal to them at that age. However, adults who never actually find their voice, or work through their childhood abuse become someone who either overly asserts or completely shrinks.

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How Much Grief Is Too Much Grief?

Grieving is a necessary part of life. It is a raw expression of feeling loss, disappointment and a longing for what once was or what could have been. What grief is not, is being present to what is possible while overcoming that pain. Actively preparing myself to be sad on a particular day is disempowering and there is no honor in operating that way for me. Whether I am grieving for a lost relationship, or a lost loved one the answer remains the same; I cannot grieve forever.

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A Letter To Anyone Haunted By The Trauma Of Not Being Believed…

You as an adult never realize when you’ll have a moment of flashback until you’re drowning in tears and unable to catch your breath because you’re being suffocated by the silence and rage you’ve had to swallow for years because NO ONE took the time to make you feel protected, wanted and like they would bring justice to your cries for help. This is for those of us who have sat in silence because there have been no examples where we have ever felt like our bodies mattered enough for anyone to care. This letter is for all of us who are so scarred by our trauma of not being believed or being brushed off entirely. It’s not your fault.

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Black Boy Joy

I wish we lived in a world where young black boys were seen as human beings we MUST protect at all costs. It’s shameful, and hurtful the way black boys are marginalized and labeled almost from birth as menaces to society before they can formulate their sentences correctly. Black boy joy makes the world a better place because when we have multiples roses growing from concrete, we will eventually have rose gardens where death and poverty previously prevailed.

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The Complexity Of Too Much Praise

The first time it occurred to me to doubt myself, was at work and this woman who looked like me told me I did not write very well. Oh my goodness. I was mad at her, and then I believed her and I really stayed away from writing for a little while. The fragility of my ego and my self-esteem buckled at the tiniest critique. I was in shambles over an opinion, because I was accustomed to being praised without honest critique from most people. However, once I was out of school I just believed that my people loved anything I’d written, and I believed I was at the top of my writing game. WRONNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!

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Our Parents Beat Us- We Are Better People Because Of It…Or Are We?

Why is beating children a good idea, but we know a husband beating a wife is a bad idea? What are the logical and factual reasons for beating children so badly they have black and blues and welts all over their bodies? Is the lesson; if you do something wrong, you should be punished by getting beaten down? When you fuck up the only recourse is to get hit by anything someone can find so you know never to do that thing again? An adult asserting power in this way is simply abusive and there are no real positive results stemming from a practice rooted in dominance, fear, and total and utter compliance. Why are we spanking toddlers? We do it so they can listen better? How come it’s frowned upon to spank puppies or kittens when they don’t listen, but it’s okay to spank little people who do not speak yet?

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