Let Me Love (Control)You

The ones we love will arrive at their lessons when it’s time to do so. Our ability to love someone as they directly stem from how we accept and love ourselves. The more work I do on myself is the more I am able to expand my understanding of what is love and what is control. The more I allow my child to be herself, listen to her realizations and love her despite my oppositions to her path of enlightenment, I can still listen and accept the path she’s choosing barring imminent death. We cannot control what the ones we love do and we shouldn’t because we don’t like it being done to us. Well, I don’t like it being done to me. I am a firm believer in getting burned in order to know that fire is hot and I have to respect whatever people believe for themselves.

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A Broken Heart Can Kill You

I knew what it meant to love so completely, and knowing there was an expiration date, and I did it anyway. It was worth the lesson, the growth, the self-introspection but it came along with a pain that brought me to my knees. Ugh. The days when I knew we had to have a hard conversation, I would cry for hours on end, I would literally feel my heart hurting and the daggers turning painfully and there was nothing I could do but ride it out. It hurt because he understood me, saw me, loved me too and it had to end. It hurt because we did things that caused each other more pain on purpose and I don’t like that.

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Apologize To Me For Making Me Mad

How many times have we seen an abused person become an abuser? It’s a dynamic that’s scary because I wonder when does the switch become flicked? When does it occur to someone who had no voice, say or emotional safety become someone who oppresses others? I think with third graders and kids in general, they are finding their voice, their place in the world and their friendships matter a great deal to them at that age. However, adults who never actually find their voice, or work through their childhood abuse become someone who either overly asserts or completely shrinks.

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The Danger of Codependency

I wanted so much for myself but I kept stopping and putting my healing on hold because I was in a holding pattern of hoping, wishing and fantasizing about things being different and yet they were not. It took us months to actually break up, and I finally had to buckle down and pull the plug for good because it felt like poison to my soul. Do I love this man? Oh I surely do but I loved my sanity, well being and healing far more than him.

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Someone’s Partner Is Not Your Soulmate

There is power in connecting with your partner when you tell the truth about what is happening in your head and heart. However, don’t fuck up your relationship based on your feelings for someone else. If you are looking to leave, do it based on the fact that it is no longer workable and it serves no one to stay. If someone leaves their relationship for YOU I am not convinced that’s a worthy burden to carry. If you think someone else’s partner is your soul mate, then you’re all fucked up in the game homey, because that is NOT the answer. Do better.

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The Fallout Of Good Intentions

What about when someone fucks up our well-oiled cast iron pan by washing it, scrubbing it and putting a copious amount of Ajax on it to get all the gunk out? Those of us who are kitchen aficionados know about this absolute faux pas, but my 80 something-year-old Trinidadian grandma who believes in everything needing to be spick and span doesn’t know, and her intention is to make it very clean. Am I really going to hold her well-intentioned cleaning against her? YES! I am kidding, I will be a little sad but I can get another cast iron pan.

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