Apologize To Me For Making Me Mad

How many times have we seen an abused person become an abuser? It’s a dynamic that’s scary because I wonder when does the switch become flicked? When does it occur to someone who had no voice, say or emotional safety become someone who oppresses others? I think with third graders and kids in general, they are finding their voice, their place in the world and their friendships matter a great deal to them at that age. However, adults who never actually find their voice, or work through their childhood abuse become someone who either overly asserts or completely shrinks.

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The Danger of Codependency

I wanted so much for myself but I kept stopping and putting my healing on hold because I was in a holding pattern of hoping, wishing and fantasizing about things being different and yet they were not. It took us months to actually break up, and I finally had to buckle down and pull the plug for good because it felt like poison to my soul. Do I love this man? Oh I surely do but I loved my sanity, well being and healing far more than him.

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STAY PRESENT

I’d be a fool if I kept looking backwards, and not learning from my mistakes. I would be utterly misguided if I were to worry and stress about what has yet to happen while ignoring all of the joy of this present moment. It matters to me that I can sit here and spread love and light and channel forgiveness because the need for peace is paramount to me in this very moment. The thought that I have access to the joy and the peace in this very moment is a reassuring and comforting thing to me because the bliss of this moment is something I haven’t felt in a long time.

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My Wildest Dreams

I’d like to be able to say that when I leave this earth, I left it better than I found it. I have always believed that it is my mission to remind people that their love is far greater than their fear. I am starting with myself and the conversations I’m having in my brain and out in real life. I was playing a game that was far too small for what I knew I was capable of in my life. But I needed that incubation period to connect to who I needed to connect to AND I needed to be reminded of what not honoring my life looked like.

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And Who Will Save Me?

I’m strong and I need support. I’m strong and I need to be hugged. I’m strong and I need forehead kisses. I’m strong and I need my hand held. I’m strong and I need gentle love making. I’m strong and I need soft kisses. I’m strong and I need to my head on your chest. I’m strong and I need your nurturing. I’m strong and I’m a human being with needs. My strength doesn’t absolve me of my mortal feelings.

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All or Nothing

My intention is to be a clearing for honesty, integrity and partnership at every level. Tangibly it looks like telling all parts of the raw truth. That looks like speaking up when I’m scared, speaking up when I’m sad, speaking up when I feel like things aren’t right and honoring the beauty of communication so things can be resolved through clarity and asking for answers. Integrity is about holding myself to what I’d say I’d do. It’s about loving myself enough to set the precedent on how I allow myself to be treated.

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Make Your Pain Work For You

Pain is the vehicle but fear is the driver and it can have us suffocate our wants, dreams, desires and hopes because we can’t bear to feel pain. We shrink ourselves behind our excuses of why we cannot rise above the remnants and leftovers of our past. We confine ourselves into the boxes of our mind and we often do not leave our small hiding places because we cannot bear the pain of the reality of failure. I get it.

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