Navigating My Friendships While Being an INFJ

I am almost always drained from a day of hanging with people, no matter if I love the people or it’s a group of strangers, I need to decompress, quietly. I would much rather text than EVER take a phone call, and if we are hanging out, please be okay with long stretches of silence because while I may love your company, sometimes I just want to be in my thoughts or enjoy the ambience without talking a bunch. I have always been this way, and I like myself this way, but I’m learning that my friends who need constant engagement and conversation it may seem hard to digest.

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My Expectations Are Disappointing Me – Not Other People

I’ve been guilty of making someone’s need for space about me. I have taken their silence, as an attack on me, and I spend a ridiculous amount of time agonizing, and suffering about an issue that has zero to do with me. The more I pushed the person to open up, is the deeper and wider the distance became. The non issue with me, becomes a real issue because I didn’t acknowledge nor respect the person’s need for space. I now overstand how it feels. My need for room, space and time is critical and essential for my well being.

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I Need Quiet Sometimes

How do I regroup? I sleep a lot. I write. I take nice long walks, I listen to classical or yoga music. I take my time to meal prep, I detox my body, I stretch, I catch up on all the things I haven’t been focused on doing, I cook, I lounge, I breathe properly and I just love on myself. It’s a time for me to celebrate myself, be gentle with myself and to tune everyone out. It’s healthy for me and I really love and appreciate my friends who don’t take this personally and just allow me to be. I encourage everyone to take the opportunity to regroup because self care is the best care.

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Non Judgment In Friendships

Sometimes questionable choices are worthy of a side eye and a side line. Truly, I have made some choices that were impulsive and totally not thought out….I see that after and it’s totally pointless for anyone to talk to me about it. Once I’ve acknowledged the error, and I’ve reconciled it with myself, the opinion is not needed. I think in general it’s always a good idea to ask if someone wants to hear what you have to say. I believe offering opinions are valuable when we see our friends in obvious pain and even a vicious cycle. How many times can there be a conversation about the same dude or girl before a side eye and a side line is warranted?

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The Pain Will Not Kill Me

I think at times I have given myself way more credit about my goodness, than paying attention to the ways in which I should improve myself. It is easy to acknowledge an asshole when they are so blatantly awful BUT it is less easy to face the ways in which I allowed the behavior to continue. Or, even deeper, it is even harder to admit to self sabotage, selling out on hard work for instant pleasure, and doing shit I have no business doing. I will say that I needed to learn these lessons in prolonged self prescribed suffering, victim mentality and stress because I had to wear myself out. I had to allow the room to let myself marinate in grief and my own toxicity and BULLSHIT because that was my lesson I had to overcome.

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Knowing When To Say When

I’ve had friendships dissolve and some hurt more than others. I have not ended many friendships but I feel like the ones that I did, really needed to end. I believe in loyalty and good vibes in friendship. I think that friendships just like relationships take work and require honesty and communication. As long as there is a clear channel of communication and a plan to evolve, things can work well for a long time. I do also think though that a person’s relationship with themselves affects A LOT in their lives.

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