Fight or Flight: An Exercise In Calming The Fuck Down

Hurt people hurt people, but hurt people can also heal. Our healing begins the moment we can acknowledge how hurt we have actually been and take inventory of how much life we have missed out on by barricading ourselves behind our walls. The walls keep out the people who are no good for us, yet it also very predictably keeps the wonderful ones at bay as well. We are making the choice to lose before we ever allow ourselves to get on the court. Life fucking hurts, people hurt us, but guess what? We hurt people too, and we are also the villains in someone’s story.

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Sweet Liars

How does one process the painful ramifications of the fallout of the lies from a sweet liar? It’s almost easier to deal with an outright asshole because they never hid their deception. At least assholes are wolves from the beginning and you have a choice to lay with a hungry wolf, who you know will rip your heart and emotions to shreds. Also, with an asshole who is honest, you’ll never have to guess what’s coming, it’ll be in your face and you can make a conscious choice to tackle the situation or not.

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A Letter To Anyone Haunted By The Trauma Of Not Being Believed…

You as an adult never realize when you’ll have a moment of flashback until you’re drowning in tears and unable to catch your breath because you’re being suffocated by the silence and rage you’ve had to swallow for years because NO ONE took the time to make you feel protected, wanted and like they would bring justice to your cries for help. This is for those of us who have sat in silence because there have been no examples where we have ever felt like our bodies mattered enough for anyone to care. This letter is for all of us who are so scarred by our trauma of not being believed or being brushed off entirely. It’s not your fault.

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People Are Entitled To Their Dating Preferences

What have I learned about dating preferences for myself? They are foolish and hold no merit whatsoever. I have come to realize the preferences that truly matter, are the person’s fundamental principles. Are they a good human being? Are they kind? Generous? Patient? Family oriented? Do they speak up in situations where a clear injustice is taking place? Are they animal lovers? I mean there are simple nuances that make a person who they are, and those things have to align or at least work with mine. You could be 6’2 and look like Idris Elba, but if you support bigotry, then you can keep the fuck away from me.

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Navigating My Friendships While Being an INFJ

I am almost always drained from a day of hanging with people, no matter if I love the people or it’s a group of strangers, I need to decompress, quietly. I would much rather text than EVER take a phone call, and if we are hanging out, please be okay with long stretches of silence because while I may love your company, sometimes I just want to be in my thoughts or enjoy the ambience without talking a bunch. I have always been this way, and I like myself this way, but I’m learning that my friends who need constant engagement and conversation it may seem hard to digest.

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My Expectations Are Disappointing Me – Not Other People

I’ve been guilty of making someone’s need for space about me. I have taken their silence, as an attack on me, and I spend a ridiculous amount of time agonizing, and suffering about an issue that has zero to do with me. The more I pushed the person to open up, is the deeper and wider the distance became. The non issue with me, becomes a real issue because I didn’t acknowledge nor respect the person’s need for space. I now overstand how it feels. My need for room, space and time is critical and essential for my well being.

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You’re Nice But…

I don’t like dealing with anyone who doesn’t have a trajectory for their life. Have zero interest in anyone who doesn’t have a passion in their life. I am not looking to merge my life with someone. I am interested in people who are interested in their activities and their passions. I want to be with someone who can talk about their life, and their day excitedly because they are building or have built something worth talking about. I refuse to be anyone’s sole reason to live because that’s a job I don’t want. I have no desire. You’re nice but are you up to anything? You’re nice but do you want to know ME?

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