Apologize To Me For Making Me Mad

How many times have we seen an abused person become an abuser? It’s a dynamic that’s scary because I wonder when does the switch become flicked? When does it occur to someone who had no voice, say or emotional safety become someone who oppresses others? I think with third graders and kids in general, they are finding their voice, their place in the world and their friendships matter a great deal to them at that age. However, adults who never actually find their voice, or work through their childhood abuse become someone who either overly asserts or completely shrinks.

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The Danger of Codependency

I wanted so much for myself but I kept stopping and putting my healing on hold because I was in a holding pattern of hoping, wishing and fantasizing about things being different and yet they were not. It took us months to actually break up, and I finally had to buckle down and pull the plug for good because it felt like poison to my soul. Do I love this man? Oh I surely do but I loved my sanity, well being and healing far more than him.

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A Letter To Anyone Haunted By The Trauma Of Not Being Believed…

You as an adult never realize when you’ll have a moment of flashback until you’re drowning in tears and unable to catch your breath because you’re being suffocated by the silence and rage you’ve had to swallow for years because NO ONE took the time to make you feel protected, wanted and like they would bring justice to your cries for help. This is for those of us who have sat in silence because there have been no examples where we have ever felt like our bodies mattered enough for anyone to care. This letter is for all of us who are so scarred by our trauma of not being believed or being brushed off entirely. It’s not your fault.

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Bumbling Bees

That shit was legit but it was all kinds of dudes, all kinds of ages, all kinds of ethnicities and all kinds of looks. I didn’t want all kinds of anything. I had to adjust the age because I don’t want any 20 something year olds UNLESS we are just having sex and maybe just maybe have a fun day at the beach or some shit. I had to filter the other direction too because I don’t want to date anyone 55 years old and over because UMMMMM no, I don’t want no DAddy who is literally as old as my own parents. That’s not appealing to me at all. I also had to filter young ones and the older guys who didn’t have kids.

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My Wildest Dreams

I’d like to be able to say that when I leave this earth, I left it better than I found it. I have always believed that it is my mission to remind people that their love is far greater than their fear. I am starting with myself and the conversations I’m having in my brain and out in real life. I was playing a game that was far too small for what I knew I was capable of in my life. But I needed that incubation period to connect to who I needed to connect to AND I needed to be reminded of what not honoring my life looked like.

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And Who Will Save Me?

I’m strong and I need support. I’m strong and I need to be hugged. I’m strong and I need forehead kisses. I’m strong and I need my hand held. I’m strong and I need gentle love making. I’m strong and I need soft kisses. I’m strong and I need to my head on your chest. I’m strong and I need your nurturing. I’m strong and I’m a human being with needs. My strength doesn’t absolve me of my mortal feelings.

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All or Nothing

My intention is to be a clearing for honesty, integrity and partnership at every level. Tangibly it looks like telling all parts of the raw truth. That looks like speaking up when I’m scared, speaking up when I’m sad, speaking up when I feel like things aren’t right and honoring the beauty of communication so things can be resolved through clarity and asking for answers. Integrity is about holding myself to what I’d say I’d do. It’s about loving myself enough to set the precedent on how I allow myself to be treated.

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