Irrational Fears

The thing about death is the finality of the whole thing. The earthly ending is very difficult. There really is no end to how much you actually miss someone and how much it hurts. I think of my friend, my first date and I can still see his handsome face, I can feel his touch, I remember our conversations and the hardest part is remembering that we weren’t good when he died. We had fallen out and we didn’t really talk for a while and hearing he died changed me.

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The Tough Stuff

I see symbols of him every where in my life through butterflies, songs on the radio and people he sends to my life. His picture is placed on my altar with my grandma, grandfather, cousin and Ganesha who clears the obstacles. I see him everyday. I think of him all the time, yet when his death anniversary approaches I feel so helplessly sad because while I know his spirit is still with me, I miss him in this current life. I miss everything about who he was to me, I miss him being in my daughter’s life. I miss his laughter and his tenacity and I really just miss how he celebrated me in my life.

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