The Complexity Of Too Much Praise

The first time it occurred to me to doubt myself, was at work and this woman who looked like me told me I did not write very well. Oh my goodness. I was mad at her, and then I believed her and I really stayed away from writing for a little while. The fragility of my ego and my self-esteem buckled at the tiniest critique. I was in shambles over an opinion, because I was accustomed to being praised without honest critique from most people. However, once I was out of school I just believed that my people loved anything I’d written, and I believed I was at the top of my writing game. WRONNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!

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My Wildest Dreams

I’d like to be able to say that when I leave this earth, I left it better than I found it. I have always believed that it is my mission to remind people that their love is far greater than their fear. I am starting with myself and the conversations I’m having in my brain and out in real life. I was playing a game that was far too small for what I knew I was capable of in my life. But I needed that incubation period to connect to who I needed to connect to AND I needed to be reminded of what not honoring my life looked like.

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And Who Will Save Me?

I’m strong and I need support. I’m strong and I need to be hugged. I’m strong and I need forehead kisses. I’m strong and I need my hand held. I’m strong and I need gentle love making. I’m strong and I need soft kisses. I’m strong and I need to my head on your chest. I’m strong and I need your nurturing. I’m strong and I’m a human being with needs. My strength doesn’t absolve me of my mortal feelings.

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Make Your Pain Work For You

Pain is the vehicle but fear is the driver and it can have us suffocate our wants, dreams, desires and hopes because we can’t bear to feel pain. We shrink ourselves behind our excuses of why we cannot rise above the remnants and leftovers of our past. We confine ourselves into the boxes of our mind and we often do not leave our small hiding places because we cannot bear the pain of the reality of failure. I get it.

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Joy and Patience

I need to be cool about situations that I have no control over. The pondering, worrying, stressing is the opposite of what joy and patience could ever look like. Patience and joy would mean finding affirmative ways to manage my thoughts about the situations I am finding myself in. It would be me processing thoughts and emotions in a way that leaves me feeling powerful and not spiraling in a ball of crying emotions.

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What I Allow Will Continue

am the Queen, and this is my Queendom and there will no one allowed in if they do not wish me well, mean well or can add to my personal value. We allow reciprocity, kindness and connection that is to be built from both parties. There will be no one sided, conversations, no exertion of energy I do not have and there will be no compromise of my happiness under any circumstances. All that other shit is white noise and I am not with it. I am going to shine my light and either you are going to shine with me or you won’t. You will either rise to the challenge or you won’t. My task to be motherfucking great, and teach my kid to do the same.

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