The Vicious Cycle Of Undiagnosed Pain

They will have become masterful at blaming their low energy on work, or stress, but they will never admit to feeling choked and oppressed by their lives. They will never speak about taking breaks to cry at work in the bathroom, they won’t tell you the countless hours they spend researching the easiest way to die, and they damn sure will not share the drafts of the suicide note they’ve edited hundreds of times. You will never know until you are crying over them as they lay in their casket wondering how this could have happened.

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Accepting Mental Illness

I isolated myself to the point of no words, and I became proficient at being okay, fine and just tired. But in reality I was drowning, I was in unimaginable amounts of pain and I was ashamed, embarrassed too scared to speak up because I felt worthless. It’s been hard and it is hard to write to these things about myself but I must. Talking about this here helps me and I know it will help people like me because I know I’m not the only one who has been too strong, for too long but falling apart behind closed doors.

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Sweet Liars

How does one process the painful ramifications of the fallout of the lies from a sweet liar? It’s almost easier to deal with an outright asshole because they never hid their deception. At least assholes are wolves from the beginning and you have a choice to lay with a hungry wolf, who you know will rip your heart and emotions to shreds. Also, with an asshole who is honest, you’ll never have to guess what’s coming, it’ll be in your face and you can make a conscious choice to tackle the situation or not.

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Your Needs Are Valid – You Are Not A Burden

Training myself to prioritize myself has been a steep battle internal struggle. It is literally me practicing self-care by speaking up for myself AND believing that what I am saying matters, is valued and the person hearing me is receiving me with love. It is a real-life struggle to be my own advocate when I know how to advocate for others indiscriminately. However, it is inauthentic to do for others before I can do for myself. It is a dishonest way to direct people to speak for themselves when I stay silent through injustices inflicted upon me. I have to push through the practice of pushing my tears and words down when they are on the verge of my eyes and lips. I must find the same level of compassion I readily have for others for myself.

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A Letter To Anyone Haunted By The Trauma Of Not Being Believed…

You as an adult never realize when you’ll have a moment of flashback until you’re drowning in tears and unable to catch your breath because you’re being suffocated by the silence and rage you’ve had to swallow for years because NO ONE took the time to make you feel protected, wanted and like they would bring justice to your cries for help. This is for those of us who have sat in silence because there have been no examples where we have ever felt like our bodies mattered enough for anyone to care. This letter is for all of us who are so scarred by our trauma of not being believed or being brushed off entirely. It’s not your fault.

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People Are Entitled To Their Dating Preferences

What have I learned about dating preferences for myself? They are foolish and hold no merit whatsoever. I have come to realize the preferences that truly matter, are the person’s fundamental principles. Are they a good human being? Are they kind? Generous? Patient? Family oriented? Do they speak up in situations where a clear injustice is taking place? Are they animal lovers? I mean there are simple nuances that make a person who they are, and those things have to align or at least work with mine. You could be 6’2 and look like Idris Elba, but if you support bigotry, then you can keep the fuck away from me.

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Black Boy Joy

I wish we lived in a world where young black boys were seen as human beings we MUST protect at all costs. It’s shameful, and hurtful the way black boys are marginalized and labeled almost from birth as menaces to society before they can formulate their sentences correctly. Black boy joy makes the world a better place because when we have multiples roses growing from concrete, we will eventually have rose gardens where death and poverty previously prevailed.

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