The Complexity Of Too Much Praise

The first time it occurred to me to doubt myself, was at work and this woman who looked like me told me I did not write very well. Oh my goodness. I was mad at her, and then I believed her and I really stayed away from writing for a little while. The fragility of my ego and my self-esteem buckled at the tiniest critique. I was in shambles over an opinion, because I was accustomed to being praised without honest critique from most people. However, once I was out of school I just believed that my people loved anything I’d written, and I believed I was at the top of my writing game. WRONNNNNNNNNNNNNNG!!!!!!!!!

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My Expectations Are Disappointing Me – Not Other People

I’ve been guilty of making someone’s need for space about me. I have taken their silence, as an attack on me, and I spend a ridiculous amount of time agonizing, and suffering about an issue that has zero to do with me. The more I pushed the person to open up, is the deeper and wider the distance became. The non issue with me, becomes a real issue because I didn’t acknowledge nor respect the person’s need for space. I now overstand how it feels. My need for room, space and time is critical and essential for my well being.

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I Need Quiet Sometimes

How do I regroup? I sleep a lot. I write. I take nice long walks, I listen to classical or yoga music. I take my time to meal prep, I detox my body, I stretch, I catch up on all the things I haven’t been focused on doing, I cook, I lounge, I breathe properly and I just love on myself. It’s a time for me to celebrate myself, be gentle with myself and to tune everyone out. It’s healthy for me and I really love and appreciate my friends who don’t take this personally and just allow me to be. I encourage everyone to take the opportunity to regroup because self care is the best care.

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You’re Nice But…

I don’t like dealing with anyone who doesn’t have a trajectory for their life. Have zero interest in anyone who doesn’t have a passion in their life. I am not looking to merge my life with someone. I am interested in people who are interested in their activities and their passions. I want to be with someone who can talk about their life, and their day excitedly because they are building or have built something worth talking about. I refuse to be anyone’s sole reason to live because that’s a job I don’t want. I have no desire. You’re nice but are you up to anything? You’re nice but do you want to know ME?

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The Shame Of Respectability Politics

It’s dangerous when black intellectuals who have come from some of these same environments as Cardi, Kim, Foxy, and compare their life paths to their own for the sake of comparison. When you’re poor and your choices are between shit and shitty shit, you find your way the best way you can, and you do what’s best for where you are on your journey with yourself. The danger is in the divisiveness and the dismissive behavior. It’s forgetting, or a pretending or a blatant disowning of the fact that these women and girls are parts of us.

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Our Parents Beat Us- We Are Better People Because Of It…Or Are We?

Why is beating children a good idea, but we know a husband beating a wife is a bad idea? What are the logical and factual reasons for beating children so badly they have black and blues and welts all over their bodies? Is the lesson; if you do something wrong, you should be punished by getting beaten down? When you fuck up the only recourse is to get hit by anything someone can find so you know never to do that thing again? An adult asserting power in this way is simply abusive and there are no real positive results stemming from a practice rooted in dominance, fear, and total and utter compliance. Why are we spanking toddlers? We do it so they can listen better? How come it’s frowned upon to spank puppies or kittens when they don’t listen, but it’s okay to spank little people who do not speak yet?

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The Messenger Is As Important As The Message (In Memory of Nipsey Hussle)

Nipsey Hussle IS the American come up story. He IS the wildest dreams of his ancestors and his predecessors. He is what young black kids dream of being. He was an example of a black boy who had the odds stacked against him, and was swimming against the current, and still making it to shore. He was who Malcolm paved the way for and he would have been proud of him. I appreciate Nipsey because he was imperfect, he wasn’t born into having multiple options for success. He was a child of the street like Malcolm was and he knew that life wasn’t going to lead to his dreams being fulfilled. He was selling his mixtapes for $100, man that’s audacious and that’s him knowing his worth.

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