Would I rather be ghosted or be told that we had no chemistry? I thought I always wanted to know the truth, and I do, but reading it was like a punch in the nose. Never, ever has anyone ever told me that we did not have chemistry, and I did not like it. I have been honest about my lack of chemistry, and even when I said it with compassion, I could still feel the disappointment and almost see the crushing of hopes. I never get joy from doing that, and now actually being told there was no chemistry, I feel it on a soul level. Ouch!
What’s painful about someone’s honesty? Nothing. Our reaction to the honesty is what causes the suffering and hurt feelings. Ghosting is the absence of honesty, and respect. Someone making the time to tell the truth, although painful, can provide some understanding and clarity. Why did his words sting me so much? Well, honestly, I already had plans in my mind for where our connection was going to go. I had already neatly fit him into my fantasy and he was going to be everything I imagined him to be, and that was it. There was never an alternate ending where we were not compatible. What the fuck?
He ruined my story. I am joking, he did nothing wrong.
Being disappointed is a very normal human reaction, and it is okay to feel slighted. It is unhealthy to dwell and try to convince someone that their feelings are wrong. While, I felt strongly about someone, it is okay for them to not feel the same in return and vice versa. Dating is a big test of human feelings and emotions put on display. No one owes anyone anything but respect and honesty. Based on how things are going, most people are 0/2 in terms of what is owed. We owe it to ourselves to practice non attachment, despite what we believe is owed to us, especially when dealing with another human being.
It is frustrating for me to be told there is no chemistry, only because I was attached to a particular outcome. If, I were to look at the situation a bit closer, I can see where the energy was off, and lacking. I do what I want, and sometimes, to my own demise. The other part of being okay with the truth, is getting out of my own way. Okay, he is not into me, and he told me so, which makes room for someone else and allowing for the door to close gracefully. Does a lack of chemistry mean that there shouldn’t be any communication? In my case, not at all. He and I have an excellent intellectual connection, and I just may need him for my trivia team. No emotional chemistry does not mean you can’t be cool, but it all depends on what you want out of your connections with people.
Dating quite a bit helps me learn to be with rejection, unpredictability, various personalities and myself. There are many lessons to be learned, and none of them are meant to be harmful or break our spirits, but to teach non attachment, patience, grace and resilience. This journey has surprised me, made me laugh, I have cried, been disappointed and most importantly; I have grown. Not having chemistry is hardly the worst thing that could happen to me in my life. It did not feel good, but at least he was honest and respectful. This is a great lesson in going with the flow and being present to the truth.