It. Is. Over. There is no reason to look back, no reason to pick up the phone to send that “I miss you,” text because nothing good comes from that. Ever. I liken texting your ex to drinking way more than you should knowing the kind of hangover that’s possible the next day. Texting your ex is literally a hangover in every sense of the word. It takes you all day to get past it, or maybe even days, you feel like complete shit and you live with a shit ton of regret. It is the worst and a horrendous and horrible idea. Why tho? Why is it sooooo bad to contact the person who you loved so much? I mean, this person was probably your best friend, right? You laughed together and you made memories together and you felt like this person was just the one who got you and understood you better than anyone, right? At that point in time, yes, they were. Currently, that’s not the reality. One or both of you decided that it wasn’t working, and that chapter came to a close. Regardless of what WAS created, at this moment nothing is being created and probably will not be created any time soon.
Could there be a silver lining to texting an ex? Sure. A lesson in self discovery and resisting urges. Each time you allow a memory of something that was, to cloud your present reality, you knock yourself back a few paces. Think about the progress and hurdles you’ve overcome by taking the time to heal, stay out of communication and focusing on yourself. Is a momentary impulse worth weeks or months of progress? The answer is most certainly no, but you have to go through that icky and miserable feeling to understand why you need to stay out of communication. I know not all exes are created equal and some situations aren’t as tragic as others. Nevertheless, as an individual who is a part of a separation, you gotta know that there will be growing pains. There will come a time where you’ll have a great date, and you’ll still think about your ex. You’ll have a horrible date and you’ll think about your ex. You’ll hear a song on the radio and you’ll think about your ex. You’ll see a quote or a meme that will remind you of them. You’ll see a heart shaped piece of lint, a discarded orange peel, a torn off branch and a series of other things that could prompt you to think of your ex. I understand. It will be difficult. But at what point will you choose your well being and your piece of mind? You have to push through the urges and the need to text and ask yourself, “How will this serve me?”
Time heals everything. Time is the neutralizer and it can transform our minds and our bodies. What will you allow time to do with you? There is the fearful way of being, which entails shutting down and shutting everyone out. There’s the loving way, where you can allow yourself to have your feelings come up, be with them, and allow them to pass. Reach out to your friends and allow them to help you struggle thorough the pain, talk through the pain, and be there for you when all you have are tears and hard feelings. Some days will be harder than others but guess what? It has to rain for flowers to grow. You’ll bend but you won’t break. Allow yourself to feel your feelings, and find something to do besides texting your ex. There are many other things to spend positive and constructive time on, other than texting an ex. Will there be a time when texting an ex could be a good thing? Honestly, I’m not entirely sure. I don’t have a good answer for you. Could you forgive someone for hurting you? Probably. Does that mean that person has to be in your life? Probably not. If the fallout and the pain from a breakup transformed you, for the better, is talking to an ex needed? If it transformed you for the worse, is talking to them needed? I don’t think so.
I used to believe that we had to keep people in our lives who taught us how to love. But I think that everything has an expiration date. I believe that we attach meanings to people and experiences and we want to hold on for far longer than is necessary. I think we make this person a part of our narrative vs letting them play out the part they had for that time being. I think we have to allow people to leave our lives and let them go completely. I’m not sure holding doors open serve our greater good and add value the way we would like to. I think that although we meet people who show us deep, fantastic and miraculous love, it doesn’t mean that love is meant to be forever. I don’t think that every story has to have a happily ever after. Someone can feel like magic, and you can even create magic, but that magic may not stay as long as we believe it would. The ending and the reality of that is devastating. Life gives us so few opportunities for real connections and the ones that are beautiful like that really shapes our view of the world. We are better for having loved and been loved so deeply. We are better for seeing what is possible when two people love powerfully. The ending of that can feel like hell. I know. But you have to look at the lesson, how far you’ve come and how you’ve grown. Nothing will change that. Value yourself enough to honor the memory but know what new ones are ready to be made. Texting your ex is putting whipped cream on dog shit. Don’t do that. There are new beginnings that await you. Are you ready?