Good god…there is entirely too much talking, and I mean small talk, big talk, long talk, too much talk and I cannot take it. I like my family enough but honestly I am just not in a space where I want to chat excessively about anything at all. I know these people may mean well but honestly I sometimes think people just talk to talk and ask the most insanely intrusive questions possible and kinda expect an honest answer. They also offer unsolicited opinions and if I ever needed an opinion about anything, it wouldn’t be theirs I would seek out. I also find that those who are still in the matrix, their conversations are so shallow and baseless. I am not saying this as a judgement but I’m saying it as something that kills me slowly on the inside and outside. There’s a shit ton of conversations about religion and politics and shit that is absolutely just repeated media crap and I’m like wow…I need to get the fuck up out of here. It’s also a breeding ground for triggers, trauma and old cycles of pain to come right up to the surface. It’s hard all around and oh my god…how does one survive????
First, if you’re like me and you are sensitive to small talk and excessive talk…then you need to set a time limit to get the fuck up out of there. My time limit is 20 good minutes of nonsense. I am there focused and participating and doing all of the listening I can get away with and very little talk. I make sure I set my alarm and when that time is nearing, I start with my exit strategy quick fast and before I know it, conversation is over and I’m out of there. Whew! That was good. However even within those twenty minutes, I get triggered by the behavior of either my mother or one of my aunts. There’s my mother’s aloof fucking behavior one minute and then her extra warm very sweet behavior in the next. Ummmmmm this is why I don’t fuck with her at all. So how do I survive my mother? Be consistent with my distance. It’s kinda hard because sometimes I want to indulge her and take advantage of her niceness but I don’t trust her ass. I don’t trust her behavior and she’s not consistent AT ALL!!! So in order to prevent upsetness…she is to ALWAYS be held at an arms length because SHE is inconsistent as fuck. The other remedy to rude ass aunties is to politely speak up for myself and offer an unsolicited opinion of my own. An example is if one of them says something unflattering about my hair, clothes or weight, I can calmly make a suggestion about shutting the fuck up and minding their business. I honestly believe that if some people were checked for making unwanted comments they would stop doing that shit. I can politely check the shit out of someone. You can too.
I think those like me with anxiety knows that there is no way in hell we could survive a room full of people talking too much. I think I like the time limits but sometimes it’s not quite possible to leave. So, you can take moments in the bathroom to go breathe OR we can take well-being breaks. Instead of going out to smoke you can go out to get air and take a moment to do an activity to calm the fuck down. I talk to myself so much and calm myself down so much because on the outside I’m calm but inwardly I am losing my shit. I hate being confined to spaces where I can’t leave. But sometimes we gotta stay. But honestly self love means knowing when to say…I have to go!!!!!!!!! Or just knowing you need a break. It’s necessary and helpful to catch your breath because it may give you the life you need to continue through a tough ass party. Self care is recognizing you need space and air…take it…you deserve it and it could save you the pain of agonizing later on.
The last and I think most important step is having someone you can check in with. We all have our person or persons who get US and who accepts US and knows how to calm us when we are triggered. This person should be the person who knows about your stuff, who knew where you were and they can expect your call because it’s necessary for your well being and they are there to receive you. Surviving the holidays is better when you have a friend with whom you can share happy moments with. It means that you can get through the times you wanna cry and you do cry but they are there to listen. Friends are the family we have chosen and that’s a very important and necessary step when we are committed to healing and getting through tough times. The holidays bring out the crazy, the triggered, the rough and the tough in our families but it doesn’t have to mean an awful time the whole time. Remember you can;
- Set a time limit if possible and then get the fuck up out of there.
- Stand up for yourself when someone is saying some off the wall shit to you. You have a right to check someone for being rude and it’s totally worth it. Don’t back down.
- Keep yourself sane by doing shit that helps you be calm. Ignore motherfuckers, keep your distance and take breaks from a whole room full of people if you can.
- Call your person. Make sure you call your person or persons who can help you make it through the rough times.
You are a wonderful person and you deserve peace and quiet in your own mind. Don’t let someone ruin your joy and don’t allow yourself to be taken down a road you don’t want to go! You’re worth peace, happiness and fantastic love from people who know YOU. You don’t have to take anyone’s abuse or take any bullshit by seemingly well meaning family members. Nah…we choose friends based on the love, light and support we get from them and we ignore the haters. Blood relatives doesn’t mean they can have a pass at being a negative ass presence in your life. The same energy you have for nasty ass people in real life is the same energy you keep with your negative ass relatives. You are worthy of having peace everywhere and that means speaking up for yourself. Some people may not like it but tuh….AND???? If they are gonna talk about you anyway, then you may as well say some shit that will satisfy your soul. Fuck a silent night….speak your truth and keep it moving. I love y’all. Happy holidays and what not. Be peaceful and allow yourself to feel joy. I love you.