Endings

Closing some chapters can be rough, necessary but rough nonetheless. I finally had the balls to tell Chocolate Drop that we really weren’t going to be intimate anymore but I really wanted his friendship. He pulled the plug all together. He told me that there was really no need for friendship and we should go about our individual lives. I was really sad that he responded that way but at the same time I was like, ah well, it is what it is. I can’t even really deal with what he’s feeling because he won’t ever tell me, nor will he process it with me. I said the words yesterday but y’all know that situation has been over for at least two months already. I think closure matters a lot because we form these bonds and relationships with people and it’s impactful to our lives. The conversations we have about it matters and I think it can help the heart heal. Sometimes we won’t get that opportunity and it sucks.

That situation needed to come to a close because it no longer worked in the capacity in which I’d like to live my life. There didn’t really feel like there was any reciprocity and I felt like I was doing a lot of the emotional lifting and I stopped being interested in that. Also, I’m very keenly aware of the type of relationship I want, and the kind of principles that matter and that is what I’ll pull to me. Leaving my door open was always a thing for me when dealing with Chocolate Drop because he lacked the emotional intelligence I desired. He’s a good person but emotionally we are not a good match at all. That said, I always looked elsewhere for something more, something deeper and someone I could connect to on a metaphysical level. I wanted that and I put that vibe and energy into the universe and that’s when Stallion showed up.

I promised Stallion that I wouldn’t write anything too personal about us because, well, I just won’t. But I’ll say that on a universal level, the connection that I have with him, is one I’m sure people can get when they meet someone who is totally electric. It’s like when you meet the person you pictured in your mind in real life and you’re really in awe and surprised as hell when they show up. I am still surprised and I’m also really grateful that he’s here. I’m happy that he’s in my space. Honestly, I think that when we meet people who move us in ways that are uncommon, it’s crucial for us to pay attention and really check our thoughts around the joy we are feeling. I think people and situations arrive to challenge us and teach us at the same time. It’s up to us to really find what specific lesson is being taught. Could it be that connecting with Stallion was the access to ascending into my higher level of consciousness and as a result, working with the tools that I’ve been had but didn’t access? Could it be that he’s in alignment with my thought process of setting my life on fire? He is in the whirlwind of what’s next in my life and maybe he gave me the courage to tell Chocolate Drop we needed closure.

Doors close. Doors open. We grow and we keep growing. I’m grateful that I can recognize when my life need shaking up. I’m learning that my life is to be lived fully and without fear. It’s really not enough to stay in anything that doesn’t feed my soul nor have reciprocity attached to it. Game On is something I’ve been saying for years because I learned it at a seminar I took many years ago. The thought is that you’re manifesting what you say you want boldly and without fear. I am on a path and a journey that I love so much right now. I know that this particular road will be challenging and that’s absolutely something that I’m looking forward to. I’m looking forward to the space for growth and to make sure that I’m honoring myself and my truth. Nothing is happening inside of me that I won’t find agreement for on the outside. I am literally cracking my life open and whatever comes next is what I’ll be embracing. This must end and things must begin. The sun rises and the sun sets and life goes on regardless of whether or not we choose to learn the lesson in front of us.

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