I Love Me More

It’s not that I don’t love you

I do

In fact I love you as deeply as someone like me could love someone like you

I hope that doesn’t offend you

I just say that to say

I love you as much as my experiences allow me to

It’s not that you’re not enough

In fact you’re very much enough

You satisfy me as much as I am allowing myself to be filled

I have love for you

But

My defense mechanism doesn’t trust you

Because you’ve told me that you are a master manipulator

You’ve explained in detail that you’re not true to anyone but yourself

The realist in me loves that shit

Because word that’s the truest love there is

If you aren’t true to you then the fuck you doing?

I honor your truth

Because it allows for me to embrace mine

I do not do forever

I’m not built for romantic comedies

Or these drama filled situations

Where life gets complicated

And someone ends up shattered

I am not here for the Fort Knox passwords

And hiding and sneaking around

I just am not with that

As much as you love your freedom

Believe me when I say I love mine more

I love the fact that I do not have to pretend to be committed

And it’s not that I’m not committed or don’t want to be committed to you

I’m just more committed to my sanity

I’m more in love with my personal integrity

I’m more in love with my personal peace

Than I will ever be in love with anything about you

But not just you

But anyone outside of me

Or who grew inside of me

Everyone else will have to take a backseat

To my own personal path

I cannot and will not compromise

My joy

My trust

My inner peace

My sense of self

For temporary moments of bliss

I refuse to sacrifice my personal freedom

To satisfy any craving to fill a temporary hole

You will never rise to the stature of my personal integrity

I won’t yield my sanctuary

To your wreckless follies

Primarily because I don’t want to

I don’t need to

I don’t feel like it

And also because I know you’re committed to yourself too

As long as we are real to each other

Our temporary joy is quite worth it

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