May!!!!! Welcome MAY!!! I am really excited about the possibilities and joy that will unfold in May. It is my intention to stay positive, optimistic, present and create joy, patience and abundance for myself. These intentions need be both be states of mind and states of being. It is not enough to wish things to happen, but rather, being intentional about my thoughts about things is what will attract what I need to me. Who I need be in my interactions and thoughts is the clearing for, joy, patience and abundance. Even on the days that I do not feel like feeling anything, I know I have to push through what I am feeling. Feeling sad, disempowered and defeated are human emotions, and like the weather, it will change and the feelings will pass. I know very clearly that when I have synced up my higher self, set an intention and make an agreement to stand in the face and space of possibilities, things shift for me tremendously. I am in a weird head space for a few reasons, but most pressing for me is identifying with the lack of control I have of outside circumstances. I am thinking though that while there is nothing I can do about anything or anyone else, I do have power over how I react and how I think about the situations.
It is my intention right now to be grateful for my lessons. What am I thankful for? I am thankful that I was able to take the amazing Landmark Forum and the the curriculum for living. I am thankful for The Alchemist which is my reference book for my whole life. I am thankful for The Four Agreements and The Mastery of Love, two books that shifted my perspective on how I view life and love. I am thankful for all the friends who I have loved in my life and contributed to my well being. I am thankful for all the lessons in heartbreak, in falling apart, in being super close to suicide, in surviving abuse, in moments of utter darkness, I am thankful for those moments BECAUSE I now know that I can come out of situations that seemed far too painful to come out on the other side. I had to go through the fire and get my soul burned up to know I am a fire walker. I needed to be buried alive, under the pressure and pain of sadness, pain and despair but rise up, leaving my old self there and resurrecting my new spirit and soul. I am committed to this life that is all mine and I am going to live it well. I am going to set today’s intention as one of peace, reflection and gratitude.
I think for myself when I become too attached to an outcome I do not give myself or anyone else room for growth. The vision in my head becomes the goal and THAT is not what peace looks like. Who I am and what I am is my triumphs and my troubles. My troubles are at the surface and are bubbling up BECAUSE I am restricted and rigid in this moment. I know what my intention is, and I have an idea of the outcome but the day to day and moment to moment is not going so well for me. My impatience has me caught up in the way things SHOULD look. Impatience has me making assumptions and agreements with my ego about expectations that were never discussed but yet I am unfairly imposing them in ways that leave no room for growth. I skipped some steps and I am in the fall out of rushing and impatience right now. Got it. What to do then? How can I overcome being confronted, upset and focused on what I want? Peace, reflection, gratitude.
Be at peace in each moment, choosing the path that gives me access to calm, quiet and balanced thoughts. Which means stop projecting and expecting things to look a certain way. What is missing is the opportunity for quiet reflection. I have to take the time like I do everyday and write in silence and with the intention of bearing my soul AND connecting with my inner self. I need to be able to tell myself the truth and identify the source of my struggles. The fact that I am able to do this, sit here, quietly and write and there is no block is something that I am grateful for in the moment. I am thankful that I am in a space where I do not have to be tortured. I do not have to live in misery. I do not have to be in conflict in order for me to find peace, reflection and gratitude, Catching myself in errant and dangerous thoughts is something I need to work through more but I am doing okay in this moment. I have copious amounts of work to do within myself to shore up and create better days. I have to get back to the place where I am generating peace, reflection and gratitude. I can offer nothing if I am off my game. I also cannot allow myself to be knocked off of my game by outside forces. It can happen but I have to remember to get back to who I am, get back to my intention and feel all my feelings as they come but remembering that like the weather, it will change.
Today, intention is peace, reflection and gratitude. Peace. Reflection. Gratitude.