Sex and intimacy are not the same thing. I mean people do know this, but I am not sure if everyone knows that you do not need to have sex in order to be intimate. There has been lots of times when sex has be great but there was no intimacy shared. I think that intimacy is a state of being, and it is also a state of mind. To be intimate is to get familiar with the person by learning their mind and also learning and exploring their body to learn how to maximize their pleasure. I cannot have intimacy with everyone, I choose not to be intimate with everyone because I am not compelled to share myself like that all willy nilly. I believe that intimacy should be reserved for someone who is worth it, there has to be a desire to build mutually and both parties are left satisfied, connected and on cloud nine. I have definitely had times where I had sex and left feeling empty afterwards. That type of sex is brash, lacks intimacy and the goal is to a bust a nut. I do not like sex like that, and I am also not a fan of casual sex. There is room for casual sex if that is your goal. However, I have learned that if there isn’t some kind of emotional AND intellectual connection there, I will not bust a nut and my brain will be occupied with something else, most likely thinking about the man that I really want.
I cannot talk intimacy and not talk Stallion. Le sigh. There is something that connects people sometimes that cannot really be explained, but it can be felt and you just know the feeling, when you feel it. Ha Ha, sorry I know that was a little complicated but it really is. Alright to make it tangible, it’s like having a sudden but necessary cool breeze on a day where you hair is sticking to your face, moving too much makes you hotter and every person and thing is annoying you. The fan doesn’t work, water helps minimally and all of a sudden, this light, refreshing breeze finds you and for that moment, you are the happiest person on earth. It is also like your life is good, you’re fine, you are minding you business, things are going generally well, but you could stand to find something to make your life a little more colorful. You do not know what that is BUT someone comes along and everything seems more vibrant, more colorful, my vivacious and you find yourself daydreaming way more than being present. He and I have a connection that transcends just sex. There is something that vibrates inside of me when we kiss and it could be sexual, but it is not just sexual. It feels karmic, as though we have reconnected in this lifetime after already being together prior. I know that its not just me because after our interactions there is always an expression that translates to “WHEW.” That particular type of connection makes the stakes that much higher for intimacy because there is also a friendship that really matters. Intimacy works functionally and practically when you can build outside of the bedroom as well. It takes a deeper type of overstanding to connect in ways that just vibrate on a higher frequency.
Observing my history with men, sex and intimacy I can safely say that I have the best sex with people who I take time to learn well, and in all different phases of our relationship and friendship. There almost HAS to be a period of not talking for me to find my balance and ground myself. I cannot know if someone is going to be long term because the beginning is always filled with far too many endorphins. That shit is irrational and it is not rooted in a reality uncomplicated by rose colored glasses. I need to see the person as a person, we gotta disagree, fall out, reassess, take steps back and basically go through an array of emotions that complicated human beings go through in order for me to know if there is any longevity there. The men who I met and we were wrapped up in each other from day one, ALL of those relationships fizzled quickly. Anyone that I can see too often, have access to and there are no mental challenges is just not worth it for me. I know because in my life I need consistency BUT I also need to know that we do not NEED to see each other everyday. I need to know that when I am very busy, which is always and you are really busy, we are grinding to improve our individual lives so that when we have time together it is well spent. I want to be able to come as I am, and you come as you are and we maximize on the time that leaves us both satisfied and much better than before. I cannot and will not waste time in my life coming together to fight or to fuck for the sake of fighting and fucking. Time spent should be refreshing and spent building with each other, sharing ideas, and seeing how collaborations can be lucrative and beneficial for both parties.
Intimacy does not have to include touching. You can be intimate with someone by being connected to them via conversation, time spent and building something that leaves both parties better than they came. An excellent kiss can be the beginning of a good physical intimate interaction. There has to be multiple avenues of good vibes flowing simultaneously for intimacy to work. Not everyone can achieve intimacy and when you do, cherish that shit. I believe that intimacy has a lot to do with being self aware as well. It is knowing what you want, and being able to communicate that honestly and with an open heart and mind. Knowing yourself and having confidence can heighten an intimate experience. Why? I honestly think that the universe brings us who we need at the right time. I think that depending on what we have been praying for, asking God for, and putting our thoughts in, we will be given what we are vibrating. That is neither good nor bad, it is simply what we put out there. Sex is cool but I am not interested in sex. I am looking to level up my intimate connections because they leave both parties inspired and much better than before.
Intimacy > Sex