Is My Blackness Terrifying?

I remember this chick in my second high school which was majority white telling me that she was super scared of me when she first met me, but now that she knows me, I’m the sweetest person ever. First of all bitch, what the fuck about me scared you? Like what was it other than my blackness????? Nothing I did was remotely alarming, wild, loud nor uncouth. I was just a black girl in a white ass town, trying to make it through my mother fucking day. Uggggghhhhh!!! One of the black boys in my class drove a nice ass Benz, it wasn’t brand new but it was a Benz. Driving a Benz in that neighborhood wasn’t out of the ordinary, in fact mad people had Benzes but the ones that were stopped consistently were black men. It couldn’t be that his dad had a prominent role at a prominent institution? It couldn’t be that his mother was a blue blood and she had mad money so she could afford a Benz? Nahhhhh it had to be that he was suspicious because he was young, black and had to be a fucking thug who was drug dealing. It had to be that it was nothing BUT his blackness that made him a threat. That shit is so wack and it’s terrifying for those of us who have black skin, live in black bodies and trying to live our everyday lives without someone feeling so scared that they resort to murder or calling the damn cops. Fuccccck, y’all are scary as hell.

Let’s take a trip down the disgusting history of the United States, shall we? Let’s just start with the fact that Europeans stole Africans from their homes, raped, exploited, sold, murdered and every terrible thing one group of people could do to another. It’s disgusting and it’s a stain on our country that will never come out. Let’s be real. Okay so slavery ended, then we had Reconstruction which should have been an opportunity for reparations but nahhhhh it was used to oppress black people even further. Yup…then we had the absolute pleasure of Jim Crow, Civil Rights, Drug Era, Mass Incarcerations and now public murders televised for the whole entire fucking world to see and the killers still go free. Yo….do you know how painful all of those things are? Do you know that so many of us simply want to get through our days safely, soundly and without harm from the police or crazy vigilantes??? We just trying be alive and thrive like everyone else. But we cannot do that shit without someone seeing our basic survival as threatening. I mean can we live????

We have come to a place in our history of this country where the people who are reasonable, aware, just and unbiased can blatantly see how incredibly unfair this country has been to black people. There are many allies who have spoken up, spoken out and stood side by side with us to show that they are willing to see us as simply people. We are people like you who would like to be seen as simply human. We want to be seen as individuals that love like you, hurt like you, have joy like you, have sadness like you and are human just like you. At this present moment the worst parts of our existence are being monetized and exploited for the white gaze. Numerous times we have seen white celebrities and stores capitalizing on things that were deemed as ghetto, thuggish and hood a mere decade ago. Black girls been rocking big hoops, braids, nose rings and having multi colored hair. We been saying YASSSSS, swerving our necks, popping our gum AND getting degrees, and raising families and being victims without any fucking Justice. However now it’s trending and trendy to be down with black culture in the ways that are absolutely fucking disrespectful. The shit that had us improvise, find ways to eat, find ways to be creative and simply survive is the shit that white people and white stores are trying hard to replicate. But they don’t realize that some of that shit was because of government imposed poverty, government imposed pain, suffering and unapologetic ways to keep us systematically poor and impoverished. It’s frustrating to watch. It’s frustrating to live.

The silver lining? Now more than ever black people, our allies and other oppressed parties are not backing down. We are not going to crouch, cower and tap dance for approval. Nahhhh son, fuck that. Fearing me because of the way I look is based on YOUR RACISM! Fearing a loud black woman expressing rage is YOUR RACISM. Fearing a black man being on the elevator with you, IS YOUR RACISM. Doing anything or not doing something because of your fear of black skin is racist and you need to get over your shit. White folks love to say that we should get over the pain of slavery BUT yet still y’all show us each and everyday that y’all not over it by being terrified of us for nothing. We gotta have straight forward conversations and we all have to check our shit at the door. We have children to raise, a planet to save, a world to heal and it starts with the person in the mirror. We have to be open to learning about being better without fear. Stand in the space of love for ALLLLLLL people. Stand in the space of humanity for all people. The relevance of #MeToo is because far too many men abused their power without consequences. Welp, NEWSFLASH #BLACKLIVESMATTER is a result of far too many white people abusing their power without consequences. If you can’t see this basic understanding in that, THEN CHECK YOUR RACISM and ingrained bias. Period.

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