I think that love shows up in places that can be unexpected, unsuspecting, random and it can catch us off guard. When I say love, I mean love in its purest form, free of restriction, all encompassing and lives within the expectations of nothing and everything simultaneously. Love at its purest simply just is. I believe that I am connected to multiple people in loving ways, not all of them are romantic but the ones that are live in the realm of honesty, transparency and absolute truth. I dabbled with the idea of polyamory because none of the men I’ve been with ever really wanted exclusivity. That in turn made me take the situation on positively because why should I confine myself to loving and “belonging to one person” when clearly he didn’t subscribe to that ideology? Interestingly enough though, when I presented the idea to Chocolate Drop or lovers past it was met with hesitation and outright disapproval of the idea. Mr. Aquarius said “Ain’t no man wanna share his woman.” Tuh….yet these nigggas wanna be out here slaying their dicks to all the women they possibly can in the name of male dominance. Welp, I see your male dominance and I raise it with my UNAPOLOGETIC DORA MILAJE FEMINIST IDEOLOGY WITH A SIDE OF SIT THEEEEEEEEEEEEE FUCK DOWN!!!!
My love will not be confined to boxes that are set up to ease and appease any male egos and lack of confidence. It is not my job nor do I care to ease the minds or hearts of men who do what the fuck they please at any given time. I’ve known far too many beautiful, women who have waited, bent, leaned and Lemonaded their weeknights and weekends away justifying what they fuck these dumb as motherfuckers be doing. I’ve watched women with doctoral degrees, GEDs, Loubitons, Payless, Harvard Ed, School of the Hard Knock If You Buck gangster bitches, and every type of woman in between simply wait idly by as these ain’t shit motherfuckers of every race, economic class, play US, do us dirty and never ever fucking apologize and give us some dusty ass excuses about WHY they ain’t shit. Pahhhhhhhhhleasssssse!!!! My motto is ” Why be bitter when you can be happy?” I absolutely refuse to allow things in my past to muddy and ruin the joy for my present and my future. There is nothing that I can think of that is worth more than a positive, and new beginning.
Aight so what’s this all gotta do with polyamory, right? The moment that I let go of what I think relationships, love, interactions with men and how I view myself, my entire world shifted. Who I am, as a woman, a momma, a woman who needs a deep emotional connection, who loves sex, who loves love, I know that I couldn’t necessarily find all of those things in one man. I also knew that I was not looking for marriage, I’m not looking for a man to complete me, merge with my soul or be my knight in shining armor. I didn’t need to be rescued but I do want compatibility, good vibes, good sex, intellectual stimulation, adventure and a good business partner. Could one man be all those things? Yea…I guessssssssss but I wouldn’t subject him to that if I could be cool with several men who satisfy and touch on all of those for me. Sometimes things don’t work out romantically but I believe as long as there are no bad vibes, why wouldn’t I do my best to see how we can connect in different aspect of our lives? If we have a good time, and there is mutual respect couldn’t we build bridges to a life that could be mutually beneficial? That’s how I view things and I really genuinely wish more people thought about things in this way.
Polyamory has become a dirty word because of what has happened in Utah and other places where men used that shit to be sexist, authoritative, nasty, perverted and fucked up. That however is NOT the way I identify with it. Polyamory to me is sharing my heart with people who love me, I love them and we want to make each other’s lives better without condition and without restriction. Polyamory to me looks like partnership, joy, transparency and working through discomfort by being vulnerable, forgiving overstanding and creating agreements through breakdowns with mutual overstanding as the outcome. I am not naive because I also know that at times I’m not my best. At times I’m stubborn as fuck, I hate being confronted and I want my own way. I know this and I remember this and that helps me deal with people’s shit and their own breakdowns. I committed to my joy and happiness but really also am committed to happiness and peace within my interactions with the people who I love and make love to. That’s at the core of it for me and I guess that’s that.
I should think of more eloquent endings but I don’t have any. I end here wishing all of you well, wishing you peace and may your hearts be guided to the people who will see you, love you and accept you as you are and as you are not.