Mr. Aquarius had me cracking up because he shared my blog with his friend and she gave him the side eye and read him the riot act because she knew what I was writing was eerily similar to her experience of him. I chuckle and I will forever tease him because he really doesn’t know how to act when he’s confronted and that brings me so much joy. Ha ha!!! But like Mr. Aquarius there are a breed of men out here that are charming, soft spoken, polite, complete gentlemen who steal your breath with each touch of your lower back and make you super wet without ever actually touching you. I get mesmerized and lost in our witty banter and sucked into his gentleness and his welcoming and comforting aura. I truly do let my guard down in those moments. I feel my femininity oozing out of my pores when I’m with him, my cheeks are flushed, my breath is raspy and I’m on the high of this pure interaction. The eye contact is consistent and the conversation focuses on any topic with extreme intensity…so much so that everyone else disappears and becomes invisible. I can and do appreciate moments like this.
The trouble with these nice ass dudes though, is that when your moment with them is over, it’s over for months or for some, forever. There’s no telling if you’ll ever get a chance to be with these suave ass motherfunkers again because their short ass attention spans has moved on the the next sucker, not knowing she’s in for forehead kiss of death. Nice, sweet talking, gentle, and debonair motherfunkers are so easy to love. They are easy to forgive and they are easy on the eyes and the heart. That’s until you get hip to their shit and you put a stop to the foolery before they can woo you with another intellectual orgasm. I’m on to y’all. The danger with these fools is that they are super clear to offer you absolutely nothing!!! They tell you straight up that they are wounded, broken souls just finding their way but me being a natural caretaker is suckered into that shit. I’m not saying he suckers me in, but I’m a sucker for saving good dudes who just need to find their way. What’s more rewarding that nursing a man back to emotional wellness? What’s greater than knowing that you gave your all to a good man who just needed to be overstood? What could be more rewarding than receiving soft, tender, gentle forehead kisses from a man who can offer you nothing emotionally but make you feel so good simultaneously? What is better??!!? Telling that motherfunker to figure that shit out and holla at you when he does!!!!!!!
Sonnnnnnn I swear for God, intelligent, fly, educated black women are suckers for these fuckers who really just want to woo us. I’m not saying that they may not have genuine feelings but these relationships for us are usually draining as fuck because on top of all the shit we got going on, we trade in lonely Netflix and masturbate nights to be with these part time lovers maybe a couple times a month. We spend our good ass alone time, or time that could have been spent blogging, watching hair tutorials, working out, picking out our clothes for the week…I MEAN LITERALLLLLLLLY ANYTHING ELSE other than catering to these dudes who cannot offer an emotional match. What the fuck is wrong with you, sis????? By sis I mean ME….Arihat, looking in the mirror (Issa style) and cursing myself out. Like bitch you cute, you fly, you smell good, you look good, you know if you call back this dude who been calling you, you wouldn’t be caught up with this asshole!!!!!!!!!!!!! Omfggggg I knoooooow! Then I spend countless hours politicking with Mama BFF who is helping me analyze and break down behavior, shit that I could literally write a thesis on, cuz you know I’m fluent in fuckery and bullshit. Fluent in a language that says I’ll take care of you, wooo you….love you…honor you while you offer me sweet words that amass to ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING. Damn. So then I come to the realization that this dude was honest from the beginning but I thought I could love him, be patient and kind enough that he would be like oh shit….she satisfies my hopes and dreams. But actually happens is that I incubate and hold dearly his sorrows, sadness, pain and secrets and I allow him to heal, stretch and be great within the warmth and safety of my life. However that in turn weighs down my heart, it hurts my own personal worth and it dims my light because it isn’t met with reciprocity. It’s met with a man who is thankful for my love, and my friendship but still will not love me the way I deserve and I can’t be mad because he wasn’t ever a liar. I can’t be mad because he did tell me that he wasn’t ready. But I can wonder and question and side eye the fact that he can date someone else…like he is healed enough to give someone the best of who he is and I’m left with what? Netflix and Masturbation…that’s fucking what!
I have since stopped rescuing men from the holes they have dug for themselves. I have empathy for their struggle but shiiiiiiit I got my own shit I need to deal with. I’ve stopped closing myself off to focus on the healing of men who get better only to move on to someone else and give them their love. I’ve stopped trying to teach men the shit that they can learn the way I have learned. I’ve stopped coddling and babying men who are capable the same way I am AND ALL my sistars are capable of healing ourselves after heartbreak, trauma, drama all the while being the boss, the mom, the maid, the lover, the whore, the wife, the side chick and everything in between. I have no time to waste nor energy to give to men who are not working on making themselves whole. You’re heartbroken? Annnnnnnnnnnnd, my nigga….who the fuck isn’t? Get the fuck outta here. If you want to be at my side, we will grow together but separately. My identity will not be consumed by the notion of US. I’ve mastered the art of ME, and I and I want to become an expert on who I am. I am done getting my doctorate in the matters of the hearts of men who can offer me nothing but sweet words and forehead kisses. Nice, gentle, sweet loving men….thank you for being who you are, don’t change. I however think I prefer an honest asshole who will show me his true colors from the beginning than a gentle vagina snatcher who will murder my emotions while making love to my soul. I ain’t mad y’all…I’m just fucking DONE!!!!!!!