Don’t let the title fool you, my mama friends and I are great, active, emotionally, mentally and physically present mommas…most of the time. We show up at events, we go to dance, chorus, Girl Scouts, board of education meetings and all the good shit that comes along with being a good mother. Awesome. There are no motherfunking trophies for good parenting and it’s a hard job that we gotta do no matter what. That’s said; my group of Bad ass mamas turn up every now and again because we need it. We get together to vent, laugh, talk loud, decompress, cry and most importantly DRINNNNNNNK!!!!!!!! No one gets fall down drunk but even if they did, there would be no judgement because it happens and sometimes very much needed.
I love my fellow Bad Mamas because we are all so different yet similar in the sense that we want our kids to be well rounded, kind and resilient. We want them to be better than us and sometimes in order to do this we need to get together to share thoughts, theories and lessons we have learned in life with each other. I love these mamas because we all come to the table as we are and as we are not in ways that are complicated but workable. I love that there is so much room to be just a simple person without the pressure of having to fit a certain mold or standard. These mamas are fierce but each has displayed a refreshing vulnerability that I respect so much.
The collective stories of heartbreak, finding love, losing love, trauma, drama and all in between reminds me that we do not always know peoples stories. Actually we often assume something about someone based on how they present in a very controlled environment. However that is really a very small piece of who they are as a whole. We cannot know stories about mommas without actually knowing their stories. We cannot get why people may fake it, pretend, hide or are brazen outwardly because we do not know their stories. I am surprised all the time by what I learn from these women because their lives…our lives are played out in the classroom of life. I’m surprised because the peeled off layers show me that I NEED THESE WOMEN in my life. I need these friendships, these bonds and these transparent conversations about anything and everything but specifically about the survival of their spirits. The narratives shared hold decades worth of generational silence and suffering. However there’s something freeing about a group of women who will listen, really really listen and allow you to just unpack. Fucccccck is that not what we want for our children? Do we not want them to be free of forced silence and family secrets? Do we not want them to be free of mental shackles held together by the chains of what once was and what is inherently harmful to their beings? Of course! Bad Mamas need to talk to each other because all of that false, posturing, and deeply painful silence needs to be cut up and exterminated.
It’s hard enough that parenting can be a lonely experience. It’s even harder if you’re in a relationship that is unfulfilling and wack as shit. Life is hard and the best we can hope for is to find our tribe of people who just get it and get us right where we are. It’s important that we have other people who see our value even when we are broken, wounded, irrational and straight up fucked up. It takes your tribe…my tribe of Bad Mamas get it. We are not comprised of people who are perfect, but our imperfections make us who we are. My tribe is not perfect but we are all finding our way, telling our truths and making our lives better so our kids can be better. We are not without flaws, but we confront our uncomfortable situations and we hash them out to the best of our abilities. So much of what’s off in this world is the fact that people cannot disrobe. There is so much pain because of all the pretending we have to do to protect our hearts and our selves from harsh judgement. It is freeing and rewarding to find other people who get you and breathe life into you. I love that. I live for that.