Black Pussy

Five drinks in, the mood is right, hearts in our eyes, and we are flowing. Perhaps for a moment I was focused on simply being a woman enjoying the company of a man. That lasts but for so long because as I scanned the room for skin tones that matched mine, it was difficult to find. I was looking for someone to give the nod to, that nod that we do to acknowledge each other, as if to say “Yas, fellow black person, I see you in this sea of white faces. If the shit goes down…we running.” Black ppl do this, we do this y’all because it’s just what we have to do. Anyway, I have a million thoughts racing and then my brain comes to a halt for a moment. I was sitting here wondering if this man I was definitely going to be sleeping with later had ever been with a woman of color. My wondering got the better of me and I asked out loud. His reply was affirmative but what he said afterwards has me giving the side eye. “Come on, of course I have…BUT NOTHING SERIOUS THOUGH.

I cannot tell y’all how many times I’ve heard from ppl of other races that they would gladly sleep with a black man or woman but wouldn’t ever be serious about them. Hold the fuck on, so my black pussy is good enough for you to eat, fuck, suck and finger pop but my essence, being and humanity is not enough for you to be with seriously? I am not saying that’s what Stallion meant but I didn’t ask a follow up question and he offered no explanation. The questions I do have now are pretty much, what the fuck did you mean by that? I gotta be honest, I really am not sure if I could immerse myself in the life of someone who have no close friends that are people of color. I know he told me a close relative had a black partner for many years but what’s that got to do with us? If I’m to be frank he technically fell off the earth after he was in my Black Pussy. Could this be what he meant when he said he didn’t see women of color seriously? Would it be weird at family functions where I had no one to nod to because everyone was white as fuck? Could my black daughter and I be at his house or on a cruise or anywhere and we feel left out as fuck because we can’t relate?

As a person who is full of empathy and overstanding of humanity, I can get most people. I can overstand people’s perspectives and click on a pretty deep level. On a very basic human connection I can see almost anyone’s humanity as long as we talk honestly. I think that option isn’t always available to me. I feel as though while I can connect on the surface, it is hard to explain to anyone the immigrant, black girl, educated, sometimes distressed experience to anyone who hasn’t lived it. It would be even harder if the experience is so far removed from their existence that they don’t even know what to ask or look for or so tainted by what they think they know that all just goes to shit. Could he accept me as I am? Could his family?

Dating me will never be easy on level that means no conflict or challenge. As an activist, a very vocal activist who advocates for black and brown youth, I am often enraged, saddened and left questioning the motives of the trespassers. The person I’m with will have to overstand and be there when I need to process these things and it will take a very aware white man to do that with me. Awareness is one thing but the willingness to go deeper, get deeper and process something so that I’m not in so much pain matters to me. It would help tremendously if the white man I was with really understood on a level that shows me he has compassion, empathy, anger and a sense of justice because he feels deeply for people. I believe Stallion gets this.

He may. But the fact remains I want to know what he means by not being with a WOC seriously. I want to know where he’s at? What’s he doing? What’s popping? You had a piece of black pussy and now you’re whole again? I need answers.