The Pain Will Not Kill Me

I think at times I have given myself way more credit about my goodness, than paying attention to the ways in which I should improve myself. It is easy to acknowledge an asshole when they are so blatantly awful BUT it is less easy to face the ways in which I allowed the behavior to continue. Or, even deeper, it is even harder to admit to self sabotage, selling out on hard work for instant pleasure, and doing shit I have no business doing. I will say that I needed to learn these lessons in prolonged self prescribed suffering, victim mentality and stress because I had to wear myself out. I had to allow the room to let myself marinate in grief and my own toxicity and BULLSHIT because that was my lesson I had to overcome.

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You Are The Magic

My thoughts are the source of my magic AND my downfall. I am simultaneously my best friend and my own worst enemy. I have to remember to make the agreements that serve my highest self, and don’t just do the easy thing, which requires no effort and as a result, no results. Bummer. At some point miracles and magic will happen BUT it happens when the work is done. If I’m doing work is it actually miracles and magic or is it just cause and effect?

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Breathe Through It

There is no situation that cannot be made better by breathing through it. This life that I am given is to be lived well. Sometimes I am tempted to struggle and live in a space of overwhelm. But I remember that I got through my labor in 45 minutes because of focused breathing. I get through difficult yoga classes because of focused breathing. I get through frightening situations because of focused breathing.

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Appreciate Right Now

At this present moment, I am clear on what my steps are because I had to be honest about what was missing. I had to face myself, but also that means coming up with a daily plan of what I needed to do in order to hit my goals. I know the finish line is the ultimate goal, yes but there are probably 100 smaller goals I need to hit before I could get to the finish line. The other thing I have to be aware of, is the fact that a setback in a particular instance does not mean a setback for my whole life. At times I take setbacks as a step back and I get stuck there. I ease myself, and comfort myself to my own detriment. I have lacked the integrity and the drive to achieve my finish line.

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Leave A Person Who Won’t Commit

This person will break your heart and you’ll be confused as fuck for a really long time if you don’t stick up for yourself. There’s no getting around someone’s inner desires and no matter how phenomenal of a person you are, you can’t and won’t ever be able to compete with someone’s truth. I believe we can meet people who transform our lives and show us what’s possible for love and relationships but the reality is that person isn’t the one. The person who loves you, values you and sees your worth will either commit or set you free. If you value yourself, you’ll go with the option of setting yourself free.

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A Piece of Peace

A huge part of self care and self love is knowing when to call a time out. I have never in my life actively called a time out on a situation that I was invested in at all. I was always on the receiving end of a time out but I never actively did it, and I didn’t because I was too scared. I thought if I spoke up or I stepped back it would rock the boat way too much and I wasn’t really prepared to deal with the fall out of my actions. But my mistake was focusing too much on what the other person would think of the break and not focusing on myself and why I NEED the break.

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Stop Waiting Around To Be Loved and Validated

I afforded these men girlfriend privileges on a friends with benefits trade off. I sold out on myself BECAUSE I had to prove I was worth it to them, so maybe somehow they would get over their need to be alone and choose ME because I was being amazing. I literally convinced myself that I was going to be a good support system and there for these men because they needed a ride or die and I was going to be that whether they asked for it or not. But what was happening was ME giving my light, my energy, my time and my goodness to someone who would take it but offer nothing in return. They basked in my light and reaped all of the benefits of being loved without having to do any of the loving.

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