Value > Want

I’ll have to treat him like everyone else in the rotation and be present when we are together and turn off when we are not. Point blank. It’s not an ideal way of being BUT it’s what I have to do, to maintain my sanity and my sanity and well being trumps anyone’s desires. I don’t care how much you want me….wanting me isn’t equated with value and if you truly valued ME, then you’d treat me better. But we teach people how to treat us. They take our lead. So how am I gonna treat myself?

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Facing MY Bullshit

Often when we speak of toxicity we are referring to someone outside of ourselves. But do we ever put our own toxicity on blast publicly? I don’t. I know that my toxic behavior is pushing boundaries so I can get what I want. I hear what someone is telling me but sometimes I dishonor their space because I’m actively caught up in what I want. I will do what I want anyway because why would I do anything else? But what that does is push someone further from me and instead of falling back, I get more indignant and well…that doesn’t go well. Surprise.

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Respect The Layers

I actively seek the moment of fun over long term work a lot of the time because sometimes I feel like all I have is that present moment. If anything this dating game has taught me is that a bunch of people can want you, but how many will actually value you? I mean in the very shallow, aesthetically inclined world of online dating, who won’t want to fuck the person they find to be attractive? Shit ain’t nothing profound about men wanting to fuck me. I mean that’s easy as fuck and nothing is flattering about that. That shit satisfies ego but it does nothing for my soul and that’s important. Orgasms are important as hell but mental orgasms are better and soul connections will trump both of those things.

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My BFF Will Never Like You

She is my guard and she will hold me down and prevent anyone from hurting me because she knows and I mean really knows how low my lows can go. It’s her job to do what she does because I am the same way with her. I am always going to ride for her and have her back and be in her corner no matter what. Nobody can hurt her without me telling them about themselves. She won’t always stick up for herself but best believe I’ll stick up for her and I’m unpleasant as fuck when I don’t like you.

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This Too Shall Pass…

I knew that particular aspect of us was through and there was nothing left for that. But like with all things the time passed. That feeling of maddening rage passed. And the reminiscing and the wondering if he’s okay started to set in and that feeling is a feeling that cannot be shaken. When you’re connected to a person and the chord truly hasn’t been cut, you will feel each other’s vibration even if the communication is not there. He felt me feeling him and even though I said I was never going to talk to him again, I was talking to him in my mind and into the universe. He was talking to me in his mind and into the universe.

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Crying Heals You

I didn’t realize how much tears I was holding in. Once I started I couldn’t stop and it was bucket loads of tears that felt heavy coming out of my eyes but it left my soul feeling light and I really let free. I also felt even lighter when those walls came down and I was achieving crazy orgasms that I didn’t know was possible. Lots of mother fuckers wanna be daddy but they don’t have what it takes. He earned his title and not because he gives good pipe BUT because he took care of my heart.

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Stop Misrepresenting Yourself

Both guys, 24 hours after really chatting reveal that they are not only married but have THREE children. Two separate guys, two different states, both in “loveless” and “sexless” marriages with three children a piece. They stop themselves and they drop the news like a ton of bricks…they can’t go on, they can’t bear it, I’m lovely and amazing and more than they bargained for….but they just cannot continue…unless I said it was okay. IT IS NOT OKAY!!!!!!! 😤😡🙄😒

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